going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
