matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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