what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
