new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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