Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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