I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My underwear smells like fireworks.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
