At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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