Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
