OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
