when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
