I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
