Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
