If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
