youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
