I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
