I think I won the penis lottery.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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