If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
