Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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