adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i drank out of a bidet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
