Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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