im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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