i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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