I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
