Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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