Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize