if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I didn't notice because vodka
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
