when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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