I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think your dad took our porno
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
