I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
