I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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