I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She told me I should be a condom model.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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