i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
