Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need water and some morals
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
