Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
