It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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