4 words: hood of his car
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can't talk, ducks in the car
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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