There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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