you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
