We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
