I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
