great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
