Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
