You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
