She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
