I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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