She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so let's talk penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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