I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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