if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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