Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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