My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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