If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
