I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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