I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
