Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
