we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
