he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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