Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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