Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
