he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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