Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
