I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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