I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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