remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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