tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
