just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
