His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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