I want to have your abortion
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
